美丽英文:上帝的笑-第6部分
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“Was your fish nice； Roger？” She asked。
“Yes； but my feet are hurting。” He answered。
“Why are they hurting？” Mrs。 Ferdinand asked。
“Well； the words on the tin are‘open tin and stand in hot water for five minutes！’”
第一次与最后一次
乔治今年35岁了，他买了一架小型飞机，开始学习驾驶。他很快就掌握了飞机的驾驶技巧，并可以做出各种各样的特技飞行。
乔治有位朋友叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克来乘坐他的飞机。马克心里琢磨：“我曾乘坐过好几次大客机，还从来没乘坐过小飞机，我应该去体验一下。”
飞机升空后半个小时左右，乔治在空中展示了各种各样的飞行特技。
最后，当他们再次安全地回到地面后，马克显得十分激动。他用颤抖的声音说道：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做的两次飞行。”
乔治听了，非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
My First and My Last
When George was thirty…five； he bought a small plane and learned to fly it。 He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks。
George had a friend。 His name was Mark。 One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane。 Mark thought； “I’ve traveled in a big plane several times； but I’ve never been in a small one； so I’ll go。” 。 想看书来
花样年华 第四章（4）
They went up； and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air。
When they came down again； Mark was very glad to be back safely； and he said to his friend in a shaking voice； “Well； George； thank you very much for those two trips in your plane。”
George was very surprised and said； “two trips？”
“Yes； my first and my last；” answered Mark。
完美的丈夫
在一家私人俱乐部的更衣室中，有几个刚刚锻炼完的男人。忽然，一张长椅上的手机响了。一个男人拿了起来，于是有了下面这段对话：
“喂？”“亲爱的，是我。你在俱乐部吗？”“是啊。”“好极了！我在离你两个街区远的商店里。我看上了一件非常漂亮的貂皮外套……绝对完美！！我可以买吗？”“多少钱？”“才1，500美圆。”“好的，可以，买吧，只要你喜欢……”
“对了，在梅塞德斯代理商那里，我还看到了几款2004年的车型。我看上了其中一款。我问那位销售人员，他给了我一个超低价……既然我们想要换掉去年的那辆宝马……”“他报价多少？”“才6万美圆……”
“好的，但是按照这个价格，我要所有的可选配件。”“太棒了！在挂电话之前，还有一件事……”“什么事？”“这看起来要一大笔钱，我正在算你的银行账目，还有……我在房产代理商那里待了一会儿，看见了我们去年看过的那座别墅。正在减价呢！！还记得吗？有游泳池、英式花园、大区域的停车场、海滨地产……”
“他们出价多少？”“才45万美圆……多便宜的价格啊，而且我看到我们的银行里还有可以支付的钱……”“好的，那就去把它买下来吧，但是只出价42万美圆，好吗？”“好的，亲爱的……谢谢你！一会儿见！！我爱你！！！”“再见……我也爱你……”
男人挂断电话，合上手机盖，举起握着手机的手，问在场的人：“哪位知道这部手机是谁的？”
The Perfect Husband
There age several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising。 Suddenly a call phone that was on one of the benches rings。 A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues：
“Hello？” “Honey； It’s me。 Are you at the club？” “Yes。” “Great！ I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you age。 I saw a beautiful mink coat。。。It is absolutely gorgeous！！ Can I buy it？” “What’s the price？” “Only 150；000。” “Well； OK； go ahead and get it； if you like it that much。。。”
“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models。 I saw one I really liked。 I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price。。。 and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year。。。” “What price did he quote you？” “Only 60； 000。。。”
“OK； but for that price I want it with all the options。”“Great！ Before we hang up； something else。。。”“What？” “It might look like a lot； but I was reconciling your bank account and。。。I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year。 It’s on sale！！ Remember？ The one with a pool； English Garden； acre of park area； beachfront property。。。”
“How much are they asking？” “Only 450；000。。。 a magnificent price； and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover。。。”“Well； then go ahead and buy it； but just bid 420； 000。 OK？”“OK； sweetie。。。Thanks！ I’ll see you later！！ I love you！！！” “Bye。。。I do too。。。”
The man hangs up； closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present： “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to？”
花样年华 第五章（1）
陪审团主席
在一个小城市，一位法官正在审理一起酒后驾车案件。被告不仅有过酒后驾车的记录，而且声誉也不是太好，现在只是缺少一个陪审团作出裁决。因为已经接近下午四点，找个陪审团来会耽误很多时间。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面随便挑选了一些人来充当陪审团。刚一出门，他就发现大厅刚好有12个律师，便请求他们充当陪审团。
听了法官的话，这些律师们认为这将会是一次新奇的经历，因此，便跟随法官回到了法庭。不到10分钟，案子就已接近尾声，因为被告明显是有罪的。陪审团回到陪审室进行商议，法官就等着宣布结果，马上回家。每个人都在等待着最后的判决。
大概过了3个小时，法官已经彻底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判决为什么耽误了这么久。当法警回来后，法官问他：“怎么样？他们是否作出了最后的判决？”
法警摇摇头说：“判决？天啊，他们为了推选陪审团主席，还在进行演讲呢！”
The Foreman’s Position
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk…driving case and the defendant； who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence； demanded a jury trial。 It was nearly 4 p。 m。 and getting a jury would take time； so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty。 He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury。
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom。 The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty。 The jury went into the jury…room； the judge started getting ready to go home； and everyone waited。
After nearly three hours； the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury…room to see what was holding up the verdict。 When the bailiff returned； the judge said； “Well have they got a verdict yet？”
The bailiff shook his head and said； “Verdict？ Hell； they’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position！”
天堂里的教皇
教皇去世后，就来到了天堂。圣彼得问候他：“见到你很高兴，一切都已经安排就绪。”随后，圣彼得带着他走到街上，看了看教皇的新房子。那是一栋小巧而舒适的别墅，一共有五个房间。圣彼得建议教皇先安顿下来，然后再四处去拜访其他的居民。
在这里，教皇不仅与许多老朋友重逢了，而且还认识了不少新朋友。其中有一位已故的律师，邀请教皇到家里吃午饭。到律师家后，教皇顿时惊呆了！那是一栋有45个房间的大厦，有桑拿间、健身房、漂亮的图书馆以及宽敞明亮的房间。
午饭后，教皇碰巧在街上又看到了圣彼得，便上前问道：“我可不是发牢骚啊！为什么我只能得到一个小别墅，而那个律师却有那么豪华的大厦？”
圣彼得回答说：“你看，我们这里到处都是教皇，可律师却只有他一个。”
Pope in Heaven
The Pope dies and goes to heaven。 St。 Peter greets him and says。 “Glad to see you； we’ve got your place all ready。” Peter then takes the Pope down the street and shows him his new home： a small but fortable cottage of 5 rooms。 Peter advises the Pope to settle in； and then wander around meeting the other residents。
花样年华 第五章（2）
The Pope meets many old friends and makes several new ones over the next few days。 One of these is a former lawyer who invites the Pope over for lunch。 On arriving； the Pope is astounded to see a 45…room mansion； with built…in sauna and weight…room； a beautiful library； and spacious； airy rooms。
After lunch； the Pope spies St。 Peter on the street and says； “Not to plain； but I’m curious as to why I have a small cottage while the lawyer I just met has a stupendous mansion。”
St。 Peter replied； “Well； you see； we have many Popes up here； but only one lawyer。”
第一天上学
今天是汤米第一天上学的日子。在这么重要的一天，他的父母却要一大清早就去上班，谁也无法送他去学校。尽管父母因为工作无法送他去学校而感到沮丧，可汤米一点也不在意。他特别高兴能像那些高年级的大孩子们一样，可以自己去上学。看来，只要汤米能找到学校，就没有什么可以担心的了。
那天早晨，父母告诉汤米在他走出�
