美丽英文:上帝的笑-第3部分
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敲夥训摹！�
A Lucky Customer
All the housewives who went to the new supermarket had one great ambition： to be the lucky customer who did not have to pay for her shopping。 For this was what the notice just inside the entrance promised。 It sai： “remember； once a week； one of our customers gets free goods。 This may be your lucky day！”
For several weeks Mrs。 Edwards hoped； like many of her friends； to be the lucky customer。 Unlike her friends； she never gave up hope。 The cupboards in her kitchen were full of things； which she did not need。 Her husband tried to advise her against buying things but failed。 She dreamed of the day when the manager of the supermarket would approach her and say； “Madam； this is your lucky day。 Everything in your basket is free。”
On Friday morning； after she had finished her shopping and taken it to her car； she found that she had forgotten to buy any tea。 She dashed back to the supermarket； got the tea and went towards the cash desk。 As she did so； she saw the manager of the supermarket approach her。 “Madam；” he said； holding out his hand；“I want to congratulate you！ You are our lucky customer and everything you have in your basket is free！”
花样年华 第二章（3）
得不到回报的祈祷
在我们修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地装了满满一推车的东西。突然之间，我有了一种不安的感觉：我带的钱可能不足以支付所有的商品。绝望之下，我把所有的东西都摆在地板上，跪下来开始把所有东西的价格加在一起。
正在此时，一个年轻的超市管理员走了过来。他弯下腰，对我耳语道：“修女，无论你怎么费劲祈祷，我们现在都不会降价。”
Unanswered Prayers
At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn’t have enough money to pay for all the goods。 In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down； began to add up the prices。
Just then a young supervisor strolled over； bent down and whispered confidentially； “It doesn’t matter how hard you pray； sister。 We’re not reducing the prices。”
十二张卡片
我十多岁的女儿在她的祖父母家度过了几周的暑假生活。临回家时，祖父给了她12张卡片。
“记得每个月都给我们写封信。”他说。
几个月过去了，卡片一直原封未动——直到有一天，女儿收到这样一封信：
“亲爱的詹妮芙：
生活是由不同的阶段组成的。
还是个孩子的时候，我希望成为一个青少年——我如愿以偿了。
还是个年轻人时，我希望遇到一个年轻的女子，恋爱、结婚——我如愿以偿了。
结婚后，我希望成为一位父亲——我如愿以偿了。
作为父亲，我希望成为一位祖父，有漂亮、聪明的孙子孙女——我如愿以偿了。
接着，我希望有一天他们能给我写信——我却还没有如愿以偿。
爱你的祖父”
12 Post Cards
My teen…age daughter was preparing to return home after having visited her grandparents for a few weeks one summer。 Her grandfather gave her 12 post cards。
“Here； write us a few lines every month；” he said。
Months passed and the cards remained unused—that is until the day this letter arrived：
“Dear Jennifer；
Life is a series of stages。
As a child； I looked forward to being a teenager—that happened。
As a teenager； I looked forward to being a young man—that happened。
As a young man； I looked forward to meeting a young woman； falling in love and being a married man—that happened。
As a married man； I looked forward to being a father—that happened。
As a father； I looked forward to being a grandfather to beautiful； intelligent grandchildren—that happened。
Then I looked forward to the day they would learn to write—that hasn’t happened yet。
Yours Sincenely”
她是我的妻子
一位客人转向他旁边的男士，想评论一下一位女士的歌喉，这位女士正在试图取悦客人们。
“多么糟糕的嗓音啊！你知不知道这位女士是谁？”
“知道。”他答道，“她是我的妻子。”
“哦，非常抱歉。当然，事实上我指的并非是她的嗓音，而是她所唱的内容。我想弄明白如此糟糕的歌词是谁写的？”
“我写的。”他回答说。
She’s My Wife
One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman who was trying to entertain them。
“What a terrible voice！ Do you know who she is？”
“Yes；” was the answer。 “She’s my wife。”书 包 网 txt小说上传分享
花样年华 第二章（4）
“Oh； I beg your pardon。 Of course； it isn’t her voice； really。 It’s the stuff she has to sing。 I wonder who wrote that awful song。”
“I did；” was the answer。
柯南·道尔与女士
一次，一位女士写了一部长篇小说寄给了著名的编辑柯南·道尔。几个星期之后，小说被退了回来。女士很生气，给柯南·道尔写了一封信：
“亲爱的先生：
昨天，你把我的小说退了回来。你怎么知道我的小说不够优秀？你根本就没有读。在寄给你之前，我将18、19、20页粘在了一起，是想检验你是不是真的读了，然而寄回来的稿子还是粘在一起。这就是你阅读所有寄给你的稿子的方式吗？”
柯南·道尔回信道：
“亲爱的夫人：
吃早饭的时候，我剥开一个鸡蛋，为了知道鸡蛋好坏与否，我不用把其他所有的鸡蛋都吃了吧！”
Conan Doyle and the Lady
A lady once wrote a long story and sent it to a famous editor Conan Doyle。 After a few weeks the story was returned to her。 The lady was angry。 She wrote to the editor。
“Dear sir；
“Yesterday you sent back a story of mine。 How do you know that the story is not good？ You did not read it。 Before I sent it to you； I pasted together page 18； 19； and 20。 This was a test to see whether you would really read the story。 When it came back yesterday； the pages were still pasted together。 Is this the way you read all the stories that are sent to you？”
Conan Doyle wrote back：
“Dear madam；
“At breakfast when I open an egg； I don’t have to eat all the eggs in order to see whether it is bad or not。”
心不在焉的教授
三个教授在站台上等火车。他们正在全神贯注地谈话。火车进站了，可是他们都没有注意到。这个时候，列车员喊道：“请上车了！”
教授们听到后飞快地向火车跑去。其中的两个刚登上去，火车就开了。最后一个名叫埃哈德的教授没有赶上火车，看起来非常焦虑。
教授的一个学生也在车站等车，他尽力安慰着教授：“先生，这还不是很糟，你们中有两个人已经赶上了火车。要知道，这已经很好了。”“我明白，”教授说，“但是要赶火车的是我，他们只是来为我送行的。”
Absent…minded Professor
There were three professors at the railway station。 They were deep in conversation。 The train had just arrived； but they did not notice it。 Then the guard shouted； “Take your seats； please！”
The professors heard the guard and rushed for the train。 Two of them got on the train before it moved。 The third one was left behind。 It was Professor Egghead。 He looked worried。
One of the professor’s students was at the station。 He tried to fort the professor。 “It wasn’t really bad； sir；” said the student。 “Two out of three caught the train。 That’s quite good； you know。” “I know；” the professor said。 “But it was my train。 My friends only came to say goodbye。”
。。
花样年华 第三章（1）
您可以下来了
我的一个朋友在游船上工作。由于潮水当时涨得很高，船停靠在墨西哥的一个港口，游客们不得不踩着一条很窄的跳板才能上岸。
当一位七十多岁的老妇人站在跳板的顶端时，船上所有的工作人员都吓呆了。 跳板太窄，根本没有搀扶老人的空间。因此，老妇人只好慢慢地侧着身子往下走，最终当她安全抵达码头后，大家悬着的心才放了下来。下来后，老妇人转过身，冲着跳板的另一端喊道：“没事的，妈妈，您现在可以下来了。”
You Can e Down
The cruise ship my friend was working on socked at a Mexican port during a very high tide。 Everyone on board was forced to use the ship’s narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below。
The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70’s appeared at the top of the plank。 There wasn’t room for anyone to assist her； so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely； to everyone’s relief。 As she stepped down； she turned； looked back at the top of the plank and shouted； “it’s okay； mother； you can e down now。”
银行家和画家
一位很富有的巴黎银行家恳求一位著名的画家为自己画一张小画。
画家画完之后，向他收取一百万法郎的报酬。
“为什么？你仅用了5分钟的时间。”银行家说。
“是的，”画家回答，“可是我用了30年的时间才学到这5分钟里所做的事。”
The Banker and the Artist
A rich Paris banker begged a well…known artist to do a little thing for his album。 The artist did the little thing and a
