美丽英文:上帝的笑-第11部分
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“这么说你得赔给我美圆。今天是你的狗跑了出来，偷了我的烤肉。”
那位律师二话没说， 开了一张美圆的支票。
过了一段时间，肉店老板在查看邮箱时，看到了一封律师寄来的信，上面写着：请付20美圆的律师咨询费。
Consultation Fee
A lawyer’s dog； running about unleashed； beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast。 Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks； “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store； do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner？” The lawyer answers； “Absolutely。”
“Then you owe me 8。 50。 Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today。”
The lawyer； without a word； writes the butcher a check for 8。 50。
Several periods of time later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelopes from the lawyer： 20 due for a consultation
大猩猩
一天，一个失业的演员到动物园去参观。失业让他感到很沮丧，因为他必须要赚钱。 在动物园，他看到大猩猩的笼子里根本没有大猩猩，前来参观的人都很失望。因此他开始做出一些搞笑的表情，扮成大猩猩的样子来逗小孩子开心。人们逐渐把他围拢起来。他模仿大猩猩的举动引得人们笑个不停。动物园的管理员发现这一情况之后，就把他拉进了办公室。
管理员向这位表演者解释说，动物园中最吸引人的大猩猩于昨天晚上突然死了。她害怕来动物园参观的人数会因此而减少。在她找到另外一只大猩猩入驻动物园之前，她会给这个失业的演员提供一份工作，那就是要他穿上一件大猩猩的服装来扮大猩猩。这个演员非常满意这份工作，于是接受了她的提议。第二天早上，这个演员穿上大猩猩的服装，在人群还没有到来之前就钻进了笼子。他非常喜欢他的新工作，想睡就睡，想玩就玩，还可以作弄人。
他所装扮的大猩猩比他曾经作一个演员时所吸引的人还要多。然而，人们最终感觉不再新鲜，陆陆续续地走了。他注意到人们似乎对他隔壁笼子里的狮子更感兴趣。
为了重新赢得人们对他的关注，他爬到自己笼子的顶端，接着再爬到狮笼那里，让自己在狮笼的上面飘来荡去；惑得狮子勃然大怒，然而这个举动显然受到了人们的欢迎。一天的工作结束后，动物园的管理员因为他能很好地引起大家的注意，就给他加了薪。书包 网 。 想看书来
聪明人生 第一章（4）
几天过去了，这个演员一直在不停地逗弄着狮子。围观的人们越来越多，他的薪水也越加越多。
但是，有一天，这个演员手一滑，刚好掉进了狮笼。他害怕极了。狮子皱了皱眉头，正要向他扑过去。这个演员大声尖叫起来：“救命啊！救命啊！”
狮子将他扑倒在地。这个演员看着这只生气的狮子，狮子开口说道：“快闭嘴吧，你这个笨蛋！你想让我们两个都被炒鱿鱼吗？”
The Gorilla
One day an out of work actor visited the zoo。 He was depressed because he was out of work。 He needed to make some money。 At the zoo； he noticed that there was no gorilla in the gorilla cage。 People were disappointed。 He started to entertain little kids by making funny faces and pretending to be a gorilla。 A small crowd formed around him。 People laughed at his impression of a gorilla。 The zookeeper grabbed him and took him into his office。
She explained to the actor that the zoo’s most popular attraction； the gorilla； had died suddenly the night before。 The zookeeper feared that attendance at the zoo would fall before she could get another gorilla shipped to her zoo。 She offered the out of work actor a job。 He would dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be the gorilla until the zookeeper could find a real one to e live in the zoo。 The actor was happy with the job offer and accepted。 The next morning the actor put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowds started to arrive。 He loved his new job。 He was able to sleep all he wanted and play and make fun of people in the crowd。
He had more people e watch him as a gorilla than he ever had as an actor。 However； eventually the crowds grew tired of him and started to go away。 He noticed that the people were paying more and more attention to the lion in the cage next to his。
Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience； he climbed to the top of his cage and crawled across to the lion’s cage。 He dangled from the top of the lion’s cage。 This made the lion furious but the crowd loved it。 At the end of the day； the zookeeper came and gave the actor a raise for being such a good attraction。
Time passed and the actor kept taunting the lion。 The crowds grew larger； and his salary kept increasing。
However； one day the actor slipped and fell right into the lion’s cage。 He was terrified。 The lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce。 The actor began to scream and yell。 “Help me！ Help me！” he cried。
The lion pounced on him and knocked him to the ground。 The actor looked up at the angry lion and the lion said “Shut up； you idiot！ Do you want to get us both fired？”
聪明人生 第二章（1）
真正的勇气
在一艘船的甲板上，有一位美国将军、一位俄罗斯将军和一位英国将军，正在一起观看军事演习。他们的话题转移到人的勇气上， 这时俄罗斯将军炫耀道：“俄罗斯的士兵是世界上最勇敢的！”
对此，美国将军反问道：“哦？真的吗？”
俄罗斯将军说：“当然，看着。尤芮，从甲板上跳下去绕着船游一圈。”（下面就是冰冷的大西洋）尤芮二话没说就执行了命令。俄罗斯将军转过头说：“看见了吗？这就是勇气的典范。”美国将军不服输，便叫来他的一个部下，命令道：“杰克，从桅杆上跳下去，然后绕着船游七圈。”可怜的杰克一声没吭地服从了命令。然后，美国将军说：“这才叫勇气。”
接着他们的目光都转向了一直站在旁边沉默不语的英国将军，然后他们问他：“你们的人如何？”
英国将军叫来了一个人说：“特雷弗，从桅杆上跳下去，然后从船底下游过去，听见了吗，老家伙？”
特雷弗双眼瞪着他的将军。
“你的意思是说让我从桅杆上跳下去。”
“是的。”
“然后从船底下游过去。”
“是的。”
“你一定是发疯了！”
说着，特雷弗转过身，悠闲地离开了。于是，英国将军转过来对那两个人说：“瞧，这才叫真正的勇气呢！”
True Courage
An American General； a Russian General and a British General are standing on the deck of a ship watching war exercises。 The topic of discussion turns to human courage； and the Russian General boasts；“Russians are the most courageous people on Earth！”
Upon which the American challenges him：“Oh YEAH？”
The Russian says；“Sure！ Here； Yuri！ Jump off the deck （into the freezing Atlantic） and swim around the ship！”
Yuri marches off without a word； and does as he is told。 The Russian turns around and says：“See； there’s an example of courage！”
The American has to top this； so he calls up one of his underlings and gives him the order：“Jack； Jump off the main mast into the ocean；and swim around the ship seven times！”
Poor Jack goes off without a murmur； and he too does as he is told。 The American General says：“Now top that for courage！”
So they both turn around to the British General who has been standing around watching these antics silently。 They ask him：“What about your people？”
So the British guy calls up one of his people and says：“Trevor； jump off the mast and swim under the keel of the ship； will you； old chap？”
Trevor stares at his general。
“Let me get this right。 You want me to jump off the mast。”
“Yes。”
“And swim under the keel。”
“Yes。”
“You must be daft！”
And so saying； Trevor turns around and saunters off。 Whereupon the British General turns to the other two and says； “Now there’s an example of TRUE courage！”
第一个男朋友
从前有一个名叫珍妮的小女孩，她家住在农场。珍妮喜欢和农场里的小动物一起玩耍，她的父母喂养了母牛、小鸡和小猪。珍妮还有一个名叫杰森的哥哥，她也喜欢和杰森一起玩。可是杰森比她大好几岁，他还是喜欢与自己的朋友一起玩。因为杰森的年龄已经够大了，可以骑自行车，也能够骑车离开农场了。
杰森可以骑着自行车到附近的农场，和与他同龄的男孩一起玩。
聪明人生 第二章（2）
珍妮迫不及待地想要长大，那样她就可以去上学了。她明白只要可以每天乘校车到城里去上学，她就可以和其他女孩成为朋友。当珍妮5岁的时候，她终于可以去上学了，可是她却没有交到朋友。表面看来，她和其他同龄的小女孩没有什么共同之处。幸运的是，珍妮有一个充满爱的家庭。她的父母每天晚上都会在睡觉前替她盖上被子，接着各自给她一个吻。
他们保证她很快就会找到和校车上其他女孩的共同点。
一天，珍妮放学回到家，非但没有忧郁，而且还是欢蹦乱跳的。于是父母便问她发生了什么事情，珍妮向他们解释说，她已经找到与校车上其他女孩的共同之处了，她终于开始和她们成为朋友了。
“珍妮，你和那些女孩有什么共同之处呢？”父亲问道。“我有一个男朋友。”珍妮说，她的父亲非常感兴趣，“珍妮，你知不知道什么是男朋友呀？”她的母亲问道。
“我听其他女孩说，她们盼望能长大一点，那样的话，她们�
