美丽英文(励志卷)-第11部分
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treatment to remove the growths that had so marred her face。
We chatted for a while that Sunday morning and agreed to meet for lunch later that week。
As it turned out we went to lunch several times； and she always wore a hat during the meal。 I thought that treatments of some sort had caused a lot of her hair to fall out。 We shared things about our lives。 I told her about my schooling and growing up。 She told me that she had worked for years for an insurance pany。 She never mentioned family； and I did not ask。
We spoke of authors we both had read； and it was easy to tell that books are a great love of hers。
I have thought about her often over the years and how she struggled in a society that places an incredible premium on looks； class； wealth and all the other fineries of life。 She suffered from a disfigurement that cannot be made to look attractive。 I knew that her condition hurt her deeply。
Would her life have been different had she been pretty？ Chances are it would have。 And yet there were a sensitivity and a beauty to her that had nothing to do with looks。 She was one to be listened to； whose words were so easy to take to heart。 Her words came from a wounded but loving heart； very much like all hearts； but she had more of a need to be aware of it； to live with it and learn from it。 She possessed a fine…tuned sense of beauty。 Her only fear in life was the loss of a friend。
How long does it take most of us to reach that level of human growth； if we ever get there？ We get so consumed and diminished； worrying about all the things that need improving； we can easily forget to cherish those things that last。 Friendship； so rare and so good； just needs our care—maybe even the simple gesture of writing a little note now and then； or the dropping of some beautiful words in a basket； in the hope that such beauty will be shared and taken to heart。
The truth of her life was a desire to see beyond the surface for a glimpse of what it is that matters。 She found beauty and grace and they befriended her； and showed her what is real。
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个性的表露
阿诺德？贝内特
我意识到一件很奇异也很有意义的事情是：人们从来不清楚自己留给别人的印象怎样。印象是好；是坏，还是不好不坏，人们总是——希望准确地猜测出来——有些人甚至没有必要让你去猜测，他们差不多就讲给你听了——但是我想要说的不是这个。我想要说的远不止这个。我想要说的是；一个人头脑中对自己的印象和他本人在他朋友们头脑中的印象往往很不一致。你曾经想到这样的事吗？——世上有那么一个诡异的人，到处跑来跑去，走街访友，又说又笑，口出怨言，大发议论，他的朋友都对他很熟悉，对他早已知根知底，对他的看法早有定论——但除了偶尔且谨慎的只言片语外，平时却很少对你透露。而那个人就是你自己。比如，你走进一家餐厅去喝茶，你敢说你能认得这个人就是你自己吗？我看不一定。很可能，你也会像餐厅里的客人那样，当你难以忍受其他客人的骚扰时心里就盘算说：这是哪个家伙，真是怪异。但愿他少讨人嫌。你的第一反应就是略带敌意。甚至就连你突然在一面镜子前面遇到了你自己，穿的衣服也正是你心里记得很清楚的那天的服装，无论如何，你还是会因认出了你就是你而感到吃惊。还有，当你偶尔到镜子前整理头发时，尽管是在你头脑清醒的早晨，你不是也好像瞥见一个完全陌生的人吗？而且这陌生人还让你颇为好奇呢。如果说连形式、颜色、动作这类准确的外观细节都是这样，那么对于像心智和道德这种不易把握的复杂情况又将怎样呢？
有人真心实意地去努力留下一个好印象。结果怎样呢？他的朋友们内心深处会认为他是一个刻意给人留下好印象的人。如果只凭单独会一次或几次面，——一个人倒很可能使另一个人接受他本人希望形成的某种印象。但是如果接受印象的人有足够的时间来自由支配，那么印象的给予者就只能束手静坐了，因为他的所有招数都丝毫改变不了或影响不了他最终所形成的印象。最后，真正的印象是无意地而不是刻意地形成的。同时；它也是无意地而不是刻意地接受的。它的形成要靠双方，而且是事先就已经确定的，最终的欺骗是不可能的……
Expressing One’s Individuality
Arnold Bennet
A most curious and useful thing to realize is that one never knows the impression one is creating on other people。 One may often guess pretty accurately1 whether it is good； bad； or indifferent — some people render it unnecessary for one to guess； they practically inform one — but that is not what I mean。 I mean much more than that。 I mean that one has one’s self no mental picture corresponding to the mental picture which one’s personality leaves in the minds of one’s friends。 Has it ever struck you that there is a mysterious individual going around ； walking the streets； calling at houses for tea； chatting； laughing； grumbling； arguing； and that all your friends know him and have long since added him up and e to a definite conclusion about him — without saying more than a chance； cautious word to you； and that that person is you！ Supposing that you came into a drawing room where you were having tea； do you think you would recognize yourself as an individuality？ I think not。 You would be apt to say to yourself as guests do when disturbed in drawing rooms by other guests，“Who’s this chap2？ Seems rather queer。 I hope he won’t be a bore。”And your first telling would be slightly hostile。 Why； even when you meet yourself in an unsuspected mirror in the very clothes that you have put on that very day and that you know by heart； you are almost always shocked by the realization that you are you。 And now and then； when you have gone to the glass to arrange your hair in the full sobriety of early morning； have you not looked on an absolute stranger； and has not that stranger piqued your curiosity？ And if it is thus with precise external details of form； colour； and movement； what may it not be with the vague plex effect of the mental and moral individuality？
A man honestly tries to make a good impression。 What is the result？ The result merely is that his friends； in the privacy of their minds； set him down as a man who tries to make a good impression。 If much depends on the result of a single interview； or a couple of interviews； a man may conceivably force another to accept an impression of himself which he would like to convey。 But if the receiver of the impression is to have time at his disposal； then the giver of the impression may just as well sit down and put his hands in his pockets； for nothing that he can do will modify or influence in any way the impression that he will ultimately give。 The real impress is； in the end； given unconsciously； not consciously； and further； it is received unconsciously； not consciously。 It depends partly on both persons。 And it is immutably3 fixed beforehand。 There can be no final deception…
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健全的人生（1）
佚名
从前，有个圆圈缺失了一块楔子。它想保持完整，所以它到处寻找那块楔子。但因为它是不完整的，所以它只能慢慢地往前滚。在路上，它观赏各种花儿；它与虫子谈天说地；它还享受了灿烂阳光。圆圈找到了许多不同的楔子，但没有一个适合它。所以，它将它们全都留在路边，继续寻觅。终于有一天，它找到了一个完美的楔子。圆圈是如此地高兴，因为现在它可以说是完美无缺了。它装好配件，开始滚动起来。它已成为一个完美的圆圈，所以它滚动得非常快，以至于没有时间观赏花儿，也无暇与虫子交谈。当圆圈意识到因为它滚得如此之快，以至于眼中的世界变得截然不同时，它停了下来，将找到的配件扔在路边，又开始慢慢地往前滚动。
我想，这个故事告诉人们，从某种奇怪的意义上来说，当我们失去了一些东西时，反而会更加完整。一个拥有一切的人在某些方面其实是个穷人，因为他永远也体会不到什么是渴望、期待以及如何用美好的梦想去滋养自己的灵魂。他也永远不可能感悟到一个爱他的人送给他某种他梦寐以求的或者从未拥有过的东西意味着什么。
人生的完整性在于知道如何面对缺陷，如何勇敢地摒弃不现实的幻想而又不以此为憾。人生的完整性还在于学会勇敢地面对人生悲剧而继续活下去，能够在失去某人后依然表现出完整的个人风范。
人生并不是上帝为了谴责我们的缺陷而给我们设下的陷阱。人生也不是一场拼字游戏——不管你拼出了多少单词，一旦出现失误，你便前功尽弃。人生更像是一个棒球赛季，即使最好的球队也可能输掉三分之一的比赛，而最差的球队也有辉煌的时刻。我们的目标就是多赢球，少输球。当我们接受“不完整性”是人类本性的一部分时，当我们不断地在生命中前行并欣赏其价值时，我们就会获得其他人仅能渴望的完整人生。我相信这就是上帝对我们的要求：不求“完美”，也不求“永不犯错”，而是追求人生的“完整”。
如果我们有足够的勇气去爱，有足够的坚强去宽容，有足够的度量去为别人的快乐而高兴，有足够的睿智去理解充溢于我们身边的爱，那么我们便可得到其他生物所不能获得的满足感。
The Wholeness of Life
Anony
