the kite runner-第87部分

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I　began　to　see　where　he　was　going。　But　I　didn　t　want　to　hear　the　rest　of　it。　I　had　a　good　life　in　California；　pretty　Victorian　home　with　a　peaked　roof；　a　good　marriage；　a　promising　writing　career；　in…laws　who　loved　me。　I　didn　t　need　any　of　this　shit。
　Ali　was　sterile；　　Rahim　Khan　said。
　No　he　wasn　t。　He　and　Sanaubar　had　Hassan；　didn　t　they？　They　had　Hassan……　
　No　they　didn　t；　　Rahim　Khan　said。
　Yes　they　did！　
　No　they　didn　t；　Amir。　
　Then　who……　
　I　think　you　know　who。　
I　felt　like　a　man　sliding　down　a　steep　cliff；　clutching　at　shrubs　and　tangles　of　brambles　and　ing　up　empty…handed。　The　room　was　swooping　up　and　down；　swaying　side　to　side。　　Did　Hassan　know？　　I　said　through　lips　that　didn　t　feel　like　my　own。　Rahim　Khan　closed　his　eyes。　Shook　his　head。
　You　bastards；　　I　muttered。　Stood　up。　　You　goddamn　bastards！　　I　screamed。　　All　of　you；　you　bunch　of　lying　goddamn　bastards！　
　Please　sit　down；　　Rahim　Khan　said。
　How　could　you　hide　this　from　me？　From　him？　　I　bellowed。　　Please　think；　Amir　Jan。　It　was　a　shameful　situation。　People　would　talk。　All　that　a　man　had　back　then；　all　that　he　was；　was　his　honor；　his　name；　and　if　people　talked。。。　We　couldn　t　tell　anyone；　surely　you　can　see　that。　　He　reached　for　me；　but　I　shed　his　hand。　Headed　for　the　door。
　Amir　jan；　please　don　t　leave。　
I　opened　the　door　and　turned　to　him。　　Why？　What　can　you　possibly　say　to　me？　I　m　thirty…eight　years　old　and　I　ve　Just　found　out　my　whole　life　is　one　big　fucking　lie！　What　can　you　possibly　say　to　make　things　better？　Nothing。　Not　a　goddamn　thing！　
And　with　that；　I　stormed　out　of　the　apartment。
EIGHTEEN
The　sun　had　almost　set　and　left　the　sky　swathed　in　smothers　of　purple　and　red。　I　walked　down　the　busy；　narrow　street　that　led　away　from　Rahim　Khan　s　building。　The　street　was　a　noisy　lane　in　a　maze　of　alleyways　choked　with　pedestrians；　bicycles；　and　rickshaws。　Billboards　hung　at　its　corners；　advertising　Coca…Cola　and　cigarettes；　Hollywood　movie　posters　displayed　sultry　actresses　dancing　with　handsome；　brown…skinned　men　in　fields　of　marigolds。
I　walked　into　a　smoky　little　samovar　house　and　ordered　a　cup　of　tea。　I　tilted　back　on　the　folding　chair　s　rear　legs　and　rubbed　my　face。　That　feeling　of　sliding　toward　a　fall　was　fading。　But　in　its　stead；　I　felt　like　a　man　who　awakens　in　his　own　house　and　finds　all　the　furniture　rearranged；　so　that　every　familiar　nook　and　cranny　looks　foreign　now。　Disoriented；　he　has　to　reevaluate　his　surroundings；　reorient　himself。
How　could　I　have　been　so　blind？　The　signs　had　been　there　for　me　to　see　all　along；　they　came　flying　back　at　me　now：　Baba　hiring　Dr。　Kumar　to　fix　Hassan　s　harelip。　Baba　never　missing　Hassan　s　birthday。　I　remembered　the　day　we　were　planting　tulips；　when　I　had　asked　Baba　if　he　d　ever　consider　getting　new　servants。　Hassan　s　not　going　anywhere；　he　d　barked。　He　s　staying　right　here　with　us；　where　he　belongs。　This　is　his　home　and　we　re　his　family。　He　had　wept；　wept；　when　Ali　announced　he　and　Hassan　were　leaving　us。
The　waiter　placed　a　teacup　on　the　table　before　me。　Where　the　table　s　legs　crossed　like　an　X；　there　was　a　ring　of　brass　balls；　each　walnut…sized。　One　of　the　balls　had　e　unscrewed。　I　stooped　and　tightened　it。　I　wished　I　could　fix　my　own　life　as　easily。　I　took　a　gulp　of　the　blackest　tea　I　d　had　in　years　and　tried　to　think　of　Soraya；　of　the　general　and　Khala　Jamila；　of　the　novel　that　needed　finishing。　I　tried　to　watch　the　traffic　bolting　by　on　the　street；　the　people　milling　in　and　out　of　the　little　sweetshops。　Tried　to　listen　to　the
Qawali　music　playing　on　the　transistor　radio　at　the　next　table。　Anything。　But　I　kept　seeing　Baba　on　the　night　of　my　graduation；　sitting　in　the　Ford　he　d　just　given　me；　smelling　of　beer　and　saying；　I　wish　Hassan　had　been　with　us　today。
How　could　he　have　lied　to　me　all　those　years？　To　Hassan？　He　had　sat　me　on　his　lap　when　I　was　little；　looked　me　straight　in　the　eyes；　and　said；　There　is　only　one　sin。　And　that　is　theft。。。　When　you　tell　a　lie；　you　steal　someone　s　right　to　the　truth。　Hadn　t　he　said　those　words　to　me？　And　now；　fifteen　years　after　I　d　buried　him；　I　was　learning　that　Baba　had　been　a　thief。　And　a　thief　of　t