双城记 查尔斯·狄更斯-第33部分

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He　had　loved　Lucie　Manette　from　the　hour　of　his　danger。　He　had　never　heard　a　sound　so　sweet　and　dear　as　the　sound　of　her　passionate　voice；　he　had　never　seen　a　face　so　tenderly　beautiful；　as　hers　when　it　was　confronted　with　his　own　on　the　edge　of　the　grave　that　had　been　dug　for　him。　But；　he　had　not　yet　spoken　to　her　on　the　subject；　the　assassination　at　the　deserted　chaateau　far　away　beyond　the　heaving　water　and　the　long；　long；　dusty　roads……the　solid　stone　chaateau　which　had　itself　bee　the　mere　mist　of　a　dream……had　been　done　a　year；　and　he　had　never　yet；　by　so　much　as　a　single　spoken　word；　disclosed　to　her　the　state　of　his　heart。
That　he　had　his　reasons　for　this；　he　knew　full　well。　It　was　again　a　summer　day　when；　lately　arrived　in　London　from　his　college　occupation；　he　turned　into　the　quiet　corner　in　Soho；　bent　on　seeking　an　opportunity　of　opening　his　mind　to　Doctor　Manette。　It　was　the　close　of　the　summer　day；　and　he　knew　Lucie　to　be　out　with　Miss　Pross。
He　found　the　Doctor　reading　in　his　arm…chair　at　a　window。　The　energy　which　had　at　once　supported　him　under　his　old　sufferings　and　aggravated　their　sharpness；　had　been　gradually　restored　to　him。　He　was　now　a　very　energetic　man　indeed　with　great　firmness　of　purpose；　strength　of　resolution；　and　vigour　of　action。　In　his　recovered　energy　he　was　sometimes　a　little　fitful　and　sudden；　as　he　had　at　first　been　in　the　exercise　of　his　other　recovered　faculties；　but；　this　had　never　been　frequently　observable；　and　had　grown　more　and　more　rare。
He　studied　much；　slept　little；　sustained　a　great　deal　of　fatigue　with　ease；　and　was　equably　cheerful。　To　him；　now　entered　Charles　Darnay；　at　sight　of　whom　he　laid　aside　his　book　and　held　out　his　hand。
‘Charles　Darnay！　I　rejoice　to　see　you。　We　have　been　counting　on　your　return　these　three　or　four　days　past。　Mr。　Stryver　and　Sydney　Carton　were　both　here　yesterday；　and　both　made　you　out　to　be　more　than　due。
‘I　am　obliged　to　them　for　their　interest　in　the　matter；'　he　answered；　a　little　coldly　as　to　chem；　though　very　warmly　as　to　the　Doctor。　‘Miss　Manette………'
‘Is　well；'　said　the　Doctor；　as　he　stopped　short；　‘and　your　return　will　delight　us　all。　She　has　gone　out　on　some　household　matters；　but　will　soon　be　home。'
‘Doctor　Manette；　I　knew　she　was　from　home。　I　took　the　opportunity　of　her　being　from　home；　to　beg　to　speak　to　you。'
There　was　a　blank　silence。
‘Yes？'　said　the　Doctor；　with　evident　constraint。　‘Bring　your　chair　here；　and　speak　on。'　
He　plied　as　to　the　chair；　but　appeared　to　find　the　speaking　on　less　easy。
‘I　have　had　the　happiness；　Doctor　Manette；　of　being　so　intimate　here；'　so　he　at　length　began；　‘for　some　year　and　a　half；　that　I　hope　the　topic　on　which　I　am　about　to　touch　may　not………'
He　was　stayed　by　the　Doctor's　putting　out　his　hand　to　stop　him。　When　he　had　kept　it　so　a　little　while；　he　said；　drawing　it　back：
‘Is　Lucie　the　topic？'
‘She　is。'
‘It　is　hard　for　me　to　speak　of　her　at　any　time。　It　is　very　hard　for　me　to　hear　her　spoken　of　in　that　tone　of　yours；　Charles　Darnay。'
‘It　is　a　tone　of　fervent　admiration；　true　homage；　and　deep　love；　Doctor　Manette！'　he　said　deferentially。
There　was　another　blank　silence　before　her　father　rejoined：　‘I　believe　it。　I　do　you　justice；　I　believe　it。'
His　constraint　was　so　manifest；　and　it　was　so　manifest；　too；　that　it　originated　in　an　unwillingness　to　approach　the　subject；　that　Charles　Darnay　hesitated。
‘Shall　I　go　on；　sir？'
Another　blank。
‘Yes；　go　on。'
‘You　anticipate　what　I　would　say；　though　you　cannot　know　how　earnestly　I　say　it；　how　earnestly　I　feel　it；　without　knowing　my　secret　heart；　and　the　hopes　and　fears　and　anxieties　with　which　it　has　long　been　laden。　Dear　Doctor　Manette；　I　love　your　daughter　fondly；　dearly；　disinterestedly；　devotedly。　If　ever　there　were　love　in　the　world；　I　love　her。　You　have　loved　yourself；　let　your　old　love　speak　for　me！'
The　Doctor　sat　with　his　face　turned　away；　and　his　eyes　bent　on　the　ground。　At　the　last　words；　he　stretched　out　his　hand　again；　hurriedly；　and　cried：
‘Not　that；　sir！　Let　that　be！　I　adjure　you；　do　not　recall　that！'
His　cry　was　so　like　a　cry　of　actual　pain；　that　it　rang　in　Charles　Darnay's　ears　long　after　he　had　ceased。　He　motioned　with　the　hand　he　had　extended；　and　it　seemed　to　be　an　appeal　to　Darnay　to　pause。　The　latter　so　received　it；　and　remained　silent。
‘I　ask　your　pardon；'　said　the　Doctor；　in　a　subdued　tone；　after　some　moments。　‘I　do　not　doubt　your　loving　Lucie；　you　may　be　satisfied　of　it。'
He　turned　towards　him　in　his　chair；　but　did　not　look　at　him；　or　raise　his　eyes。　His　chin　dropped　upon　his　hand；　and　his　white　hair　overshadowed　his　face：
‘Have　you　spoken　to　Lucie？'
‘No。'
‘Nor　written？'
‘Never。'
‘It　would　be　ungenerous　to　affect　not　to　know　that　your　self…denial　is　to　be　referred　to　your　consideration　for　her　father。　Her　father　thanks　you。
He　offered　his　hand；　but　his　eyes　did　not　go　with　it。
‘I　know；'　said　Darnay；　respectfully；　‘how　can　I　fail　to　know；　Doctor　Manette；　I　who　have　seen　you　together　from　day　to　day；　that　between　you　and　Miss　Manette　there　is　an　affection　so　unusual；　so　touching；　so　belonging　to　the　circumstances　in　which　it　has　been　nurtured；　that　it　can　have　few　parallels；　even　in　the　tenderness　between　a　father　and　child。　I　know；　Dr。　Manette……how　can　I　fail　to　know……that；　mingled　with　the　affection　and　duty　of　a　daughter　who　has　bee　a　woman；　there　is；　in　her　heart；　towards　you；　all　the　love　and　reliance　of　infancy　itself。　I　know　that；　as　in　her　childhood　she　had　no　parent；　so　she　is　now　devoted　to　you　with　all　the　constancy　and　fervour　of　her　present　years　and　character；　united　to　the　trustfulness　and　attachment　of　the　early　days　in　which　you　were　lost　to　her。　I　know　perfectly　well　that　if　you　had　been　restored　to　her　from　the　world　beyond　this　life；　you　could　hardly　be　invested；　in　her　sight；　with　a　more　sacred　character　than　that　in　which　you　are　always　with　her。　I　know　that　when　she　is　clinging　to　you；　the　hands　of　baby；　girl；　and　woman；　all　in　one；　are　round　your　neck。　I　know　that　in　loving　you　she　sees　and　loves　her　mother　at　her　own　age；　sees　and　loves　you　at　my　age；　loves　her　mother　broken＋hearted；　loves　you　through　your　dreadful　trial　and　in　your　blessed　restoration。　I　have　known　this；　night　and　day；　since　I　have　known　you　in　your　home。'
Her　father　sat　silent；　with　his　face　bent　down。　His　breathing　was　a　little　quickened；　but　he　repressed　all　other　signs　of　agitation。
‘Dear　Doctor　manette　always　knowing　this；　always　seeing　her　and　you　with　this　hallowed　light　about　you；　I　have　forborne；　and　forborne；　as　long　as　it　was　in　the　nature　of　man　to　do　it。　I　have　felt；　and　do　even　now　feel；　that　to　bring　my　love……even　mine……between　you；　is　to　touch　your　history　with　something　not　quite　so　good　as　itself。　But　I　love　her。　Heaven　is　my　witness　that　I　love　her！'
‘I　believe　it；'　answered　her　father；　mournfully。　‘I　have　thought　so　before　now。　I　believe　it。'
‘But；　do　not　believe；'　said　Darnay；　upon　whose　ear　the　mournful　voice　struck　with　a　reproachful　sound；　‘that　if　my　fortune　were　so　cast　as　that；　being　one　day　so　happy　as　to　make　her　my　wife；　I　must　at　any　time　put　any　separation　between　her　and　you；　I　could　or　would　breathe　a　word　of　what　I　now　say。　Besides　that　I　should　know　it　to　be　hopeless；　I　should　know　it　to　be　a　baseness。　If　I　had　any　such　possibility；　even　at　a　remote　distance　of　years；　harboured　in　my　thoughts；　and　‘hidden　in　my　heart……if　it　ever　had　been　there……if　it　ever　could　be　there……I　could　not　now　touch　this　honoured　hand。'
He　laid　his　own　upon　it　as　he　spoke。
‘No；　dear　Doctor　Manette。　Like　you；　a　voluntary　exile　from　France；　like　you；　driven　from　it　by　its　distractions；　oppressions；　and　miseries；　like　you；　striving　to　live　away　from　it　by　my　own　exertions；　and　trusting　in　a　happier　future；　I　look　only　to　sharing　your　fortunes；　sharing　your　life　and　home；　and　being　faithful　to　you　to　the　death。　Not　to　divide　with　Lucie　her　privilege　as　your　child；　panion；　and　friend；　but　to　e　in　aid　of　it；　and　bind　her　closer　to　you；　if　such　a　thing　can　be。'
His　touch　still　lingered　on　her　father's　hand。　Answering　the　touch　for　a　moment；　but　not　coldly；　her　father　rested　his　hands　upon　the　arms　of　his　chair；　and　looked　up　for　the　first　time　since　the　beginning　of　the　conference。　A　struggle　was　evidently　in　his　face；　a　stru